When you call someone
And they don't pick up,
Aren't there just two reactions?
Relief or frustration.
Some people I am just calling
Because I think that is what I'm supposed to do.
And if they don't pick up, it's like a win
Because they can at least see that I tried -
I tried to connect with you, but you didn't pick up.
So it's not my fault.
And I don't have to have a phone conversation,
Which can be exhausting and alienating.
So I'm relieved.
But some people I call
Because I've been thinking about them for days.
I've been thinking about what they would say
In this moment.
I've been thinking about what they wouldn't say, too.
I'm calling you because I've been trying to be your voice
But I am not your voice.
I've been trying to not need you.
So I call you.
And on the third or fourth ring, I imagine you
Glancing down at your phone
And hitting the button that makes your phone stop ringing
Without making it seem like you ignored my call.
Hi you've reached Danny, I can't take your call right now—
I thought we were going to talk. I think about the conversation we would have had.
I think about all the people I haven't picked up for.