I am a blade of grass

Poetry

I am a blade of grass
And then there is the world.
To my shallow root I hold fast
And then there is the world.

I couldn’t not have that drink last night
I tried to chase away the nagging craving
With weed, but it only tipped the door
Forward. Just enough to lose its latch.

I am not going to regret it
Or beat myself up
What am I really chasing away?

I am a half-full glass
And then there is the world.
I give myself a pass
And then there is the world.

Just a girl, just a pearl
In a rock-hard shell
In the world.

purple and white winged beach lilac with trippy effect- photo by Tierney Brannigan

Take Chances

Poetry

Take chances.

Taking chances doesn’t mean jumping off the cliff.
Sometimes it means stepping away.

Step away from the “what if”s and worries.
Take a chance on the present.

Stand on the cliff’s edge
And let yourself into the wind.

See where it takes you.

See what it feels like to stumble away.
See what it feels like to be okay
With not chasing after unknowns.

Chance is a two-sided coin.
Flipping it is the only action you can take.

yellow, peach, and red nasturtium with trippy effect- photo by Tierney Brannigan

Unexpectedly Familiar

Poetry

You want to hurt him
Just because you can.
It’s nice to feel powerful
In love.

You feel tethered to the ground
When you hold his hand.
Resenting the feeling of a grasp,
Heart hinged on a flesh clasp.

It hurts when he kisses you
Because he presses too hard,
Like he is pinching himself
Awake.

Between the layers of uncertain acceptance,
Dismissal.
Whiskers and eyelashes,
Cheeks and nose bridges.

The number of times
I have looked up at your face
And the light catches each feature
Unexpectedly familiar—normally different.

white jasmine shrub with trippy effect- photo by Tierney Brannigan

Distance

Poetry

Distance makes the mind grow louder,
Makes the heart grow prouder,
Makes my feet a little itchy,
Makes my stare a little bitchy.

Being far away from you
Used to feel kind of good.
You couldn’t touch me, or hear me
As long as I didn’t let you near me.

My space – my name – my life.
My freedom. My fears.
My safety – my body.
My fears.

I fell back in love with you
Just the other day,
It was love – it was drugs
It was our only way.

It’s good to feel close
And it’s good to feel you,
It’s good to be alone
In the room with you.

fuchsia and yellow lantana with trippy effect- photo by Tierney Brannigan

Ear to Ear

Poetry

It’s truly been a while, my dear
Since we saw each other, ear-to-ear
Talking has grown into a chore
Conversations are gray, a sad drudgy bore.

Where did it go?
Was it even there?
Hard to know
When lust keeps you unaware.

Listen- – -Listen! to me
I’ve been screaming for us
Ever since year three

Things really aren’t the same
Like the smell right before the rain
I can tell something new is on the way
Like a budding’ flower waiting on life’s decay

Where will we grow?
Are we even here?
So hard to know
When you’re in your 7th year.

nasturtiums with trippy effect

Not Much Different

Prose

We haven’t slept together the whole month of November. And I’m starting to dream about what it feels like when you hold me.

In between alarms this morning, some version of you came to me and woke me up. I could feel your body, yes. But I could even feel your Feelings.

I could feel the love, as cliché as that sounds.

The way you cradled my head and propped the pillow up behind me was so sweet. I suppose it’s not much different when you’re actually around.

red, orange, and yellow lantana in bloom with trippy effect - photo by Tierney Brannigan

Life in Color

Prose

Life is full of opposites and made bearable by compromises.

Black-and-white thinking has been my go-to. The answers are always uncompromisingly clear. That’s not to say they’re simple.

It’s been a struggle to break out of this mode of thinking. Although it is a painful way to look at problems and make decisions, there is comfort in knowing there is no gray area. There is no room for the unknown or unpredicted. Reasoning bends to one possibility or another, like light through a glass of water.

The truth is that the universe is not black and white. It is a static of endless colors. Overwhelming and opportunistic. It really is beautiful.

So, what are we doing here? What am I? Is the purpose to take in as much as possible, to understand it? Or to add to it? It all feels very heavy and completely invisible at the same time, like the weight of the atmosphere 12,000 feet above sea level.

There has to be more to being alive than facilitating the movement of something that will have no meaning now, or ever. Money is a white-and-black blinding distraction from the technicolor of the universe.

Have you ever wondered about what miracles of chance had to take place for a blade of grass to puncture the soil and grow up towards the sky?

yellow sorrels in bloom with trippy effect - photo by Tierney Brannigan

Windy Hike

Prose

As I wended my way along the green edge of the North Clevenger Canyon Trail, I felt very alone and very safe. I was accompanied only by two California condors, floating above the mountainous expanse like a leaf on water. At one point, one of the black-feathered, red-headed birds flew no more than 10 feet above me; in command of all of that space, and he chose to fly by for a closer look. A quick hello.

Of course, and sadly, the first thing I’m thinking is “PICTURE. INSTAGRAM. MUST SHOW PEOPLE.” But just as soon as I’d taken my eyes off the condor to reach for my phone, he was already on to the next piece of life—or death—that might interest him, and certainly too far for an iPhone 7 camera to capture.

It was a windy day. At first, I thought the sound of the gusts was coming from the 78 freeway below, but when I looked, there were no cars on the road. The way the rolling breeze picked up leaves and branches as it sped along the mountainside created beautiful and at times startling waves of green, occasionally giving the impression that an animal was moving through the wispy tendrils of the grassy landscape. I passed only four or five clusters of one plant in particular, that was probably more of a tree than a bush. They were about five feet tall with smooth bark and small white flowers, holding lonely to the branches that had shed their autumnal leaves. As the wind shook these clusters of small trees, the sound was like that of a ship on a quiet sea. Creaking. Clicking. Lurching. It was calming and slightly eerie.

At one point, as the wind rushed all around me, filling my brain and my being with brightness and lightness, I threw my arms out and closed my eyes and smiled a genuine smile in full ecstasy. I didn’t feel like a human with a car, and a job, and an apartment, and a boyfriend, and bills, and a credit card, and all those other things that tend to set us apart from nature. I was with nature, fully and feeling complete.